I just woke up from a three hour nap. I think that already gives some insight into how my day went.
Last night, I was laying in my bed trying to fall asleep but was kept awake by ideas of what I needed to do in the morning. Check my email, add a new book to my reading list, write down this awesome new recipe idea and DON'T forget it.
(I forgot it.)
Even though my mind ran wild with thoughts, I had this restlessness and motivation to want to do something. I felt inspired by new ideas and excited for my day to begin.
However, when I woke up this morning, I experienced that moment where I am questioning if the time is correct or my clock is playing an April Fool's prank. It was just light enough to show daytime, but foggy and dreary enough to hint that the day might be over soon.
Days like this are the hardest.
It's the days of waking up exhausted, days of the body aches wreaking havoc, and the days of wanting to disconnect from everyone and everything around you to just stay in bed. It's wanting to reach out to loved ones because you're scared and want to talk about how much you hate this feeling, but also wanting to stay far away because of how hard it is to communicate it now.
Mental and chronic illnesses are no joke, and it can be so easy for people to say "Just take a walk" or "try taking more vitamins" when someone is struggling. The issue doesn't stem from what I should do, the issue stems from why don't I want to do this right now. I logically know it will be of benefit to me, but I just don't want to do it. And the people who offer that advice truly come from a good place. They come from a place of not knowing these feelings, but being so desperate to help that they say what they think could help.
That's why my dash of advice today to the ones who are suffering on dreary rainy days is that it's okay to have bad days. They completely suck, and it feels like they drain everything good from you, but it is okay to do what you need for your body to recharge. Tell yourself that this is the way it is healing. Just like you have to leave your phone sometimes to recharge, you have to let your body lay sometimes to do its job.
For you, doing nothing can mean doing everything.
And for the loved ones who witness their family or friends suffering? My dash of advice is to keep loving them, being there for them, and practicing patience with them like you have been. It's unbelievably hard and sometimes, us sick folk can be confusing with our needs and mixed feelings, but I promise we do appreciate you for everything you do.
All we want is to know that at the end of that dreary darkness, you will be our light to remind us that we aren't alone and we have nothing to fear.
You're our reminder that the sun will come back.
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